just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
