eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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