Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
