The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
