Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
