Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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