I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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