It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
