yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
