Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
