Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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