If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can I color on your dick again?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
