brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
should my penis look like a turkey
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
