I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
