i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
