Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
