her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
