you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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