I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
