Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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