the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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