I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
