And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
