So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
