he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
