I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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