Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
