there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
