So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
