i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
