I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
two words: eviction party
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
