could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
