we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
