I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
