Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
