does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
