tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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