Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
