Umm I'm too high to move.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
