She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
