Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My feet surprised me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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