We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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