Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
