I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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