First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
