fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
a search helicopter?!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
