I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
