I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
