I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
