No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
