I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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