I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
