I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
