i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
