So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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