seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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