there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
