the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
