No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
