I looked at my own cervix.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
