This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
