last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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