If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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