the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
