If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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