i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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