Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
