HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
